I wake up this morning and go in to his room. He is lying there, wide eyed, big smile, eager to start the day. I wonder how your morning starts. Do you know what day it is? Does your heart pang for what you are missing?
We sit down and I cuddle your son close as I look into his blue eyes and wonder if they are yours. He gulps down his first bottle of the day and his little fingers find my pinky and wrap around it. Do you have breakfast this morning? Do you wonder what he is doing right now?
He is so little. Today is just like any other day. There isn’t home made gifts. No cards with ‘I love you’ written in them. He is teething and drooling everywhere. How do you survive each day without him? How do you begin to make changes in your life to be the Mum that he needs?
Sometimes my heart breaks for you. Sometimes I’m angry at you. I try not to judge because my feet have not walked in your shoes but some days that is easier then others. I want you to be his Mum. Not just his bio Mum, or birth Mum, but his everyday, nothing special Mum that doesn’t miss all the moments. I don’t know how to help you, I don’t even know you, but I will love your son. For however long I need to. And I pray that my love will be enough for him today and that in one of his tomorrow’s you will be there in every way.
To you, I won’t say happy Mother’s Day, not today, because I know it wasn’t the day you dreamed about. But one day, one year, I hope that you have the courage to be the Mum that you want to be. Until then, I promise that I will be the Mum that your son needs.